Blame the Europeans

It’s been around since the beginning of time. It’s in the media. We all have one, but some peoples’ are different. Some people follow others and some don’t. Even stupid idiot emo-jerk kids (whose I don’t like) have one…who am I?
This week’s riddler is Kai – and this week’s cultural topic is:

STYLE

Critics and connoisseurs claim that Europeans basically set the stage for the world when it comes to fashion and fashion trends. The hottest designers are Italian and exhibit their masterpieces in Milan, the street with the highest concentration of shoe stores per stretch of road is in London, and among the expensive shopping districts in the world is in Paris. So they must know what they’re doing.

Style is obviously a personal choice. People dress the way they want to dress and chances are if you are in a certain demographic you are more likely to dress one way than another. There are styles you can find at the mall. And since malls are often looked down upon by many-a-shopper, there are styles that you can’t. There are styles you will find on a fashion runway, and there are styles you will find only on the street. Some people like to dress athletically and prefer comfort, and some dress up no matter the occasion. Everyone has to choose their own style If you’re at a loss, of course, you can always visit the GAP to find out what’s new and exciting in the fashionable world of “average”.

Common trends: Lawyers and accountants can most often be found in a suit and tie. Engineers and geologist love their khakis and black leather jackets. Construction workers find themselves in jeans and a t-shirt, maybe sporting a hard hat…but personal protective equipment aside – they will also wear work boots. But that’s at work. It’s outside of work which really shows who’s who… I actually don’t know anyone in the world who doesn’t like jeans and a t-shirt for a lazy day around the house.

The style I have most easily fallen into is one I like to call “farmer”. I never grew up on a farm (or even in the country), I’ve never driven a big truck or hearded cattle. I’ve never owned a really nice cowboy hat (though I do have six or seven). On account of genetic defects known as allergies, I’ve never even properly ridden a horse. But I dress like a farmer/lumberjack/redneck because so do lots of people. Plaid is pretty universally known as a blue-collar design. I don’t have any REAL facts on it, so I won’t pretend anything beyond what I’ve already written, but it’s amazing how many people wear, how many stores supply and how many people accept this style as a reasonable thing to wear around in the streets, in the bar, in your car, on the ski hill…

Personally, I am pretty willing to accept most styles on most people. HOWEVER, one style I just hate is that of the emo. Stupid tight pant. Stupid long bangs that cover only one eye. Stupid hair dyed black. Stupid not working out. Stupid studded belts. Stupid glasses. Stupid impractical converse running shoes. Stupid pretending not to care what others think which is obviously wrong otherwise they wouldn’t dress like total idiot retards… But don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with following others in the way you dress. Emo-style, however, came from California so we can’t blame this one on the Europeans.

But where’s the proof you ask? Well, I now have empirical evidence that proves that styles in Europe are ahead of those in North America. I, Kai Hochhausen, purchased, over one year ago, a pair of sunglasses from a magical clothing chain known only as H&M in London. That pair of sunglasses broke, as a result of wearing them on my shirt neck and on the assumption that they were cheaply made from the beginning, when I was in Spain in the summer. I was devastated. I desperately shopped in every H&M I could find for the rest of my European vacation. But alas, they were nowhere to be found. Two weeks ago, in Calgary, I found that exact pair…one year later, to the month. How does that prove anything?

It doesn’t. Let’s go shopping.

Oxy-Moron

“Hey, what’s happening?”
“Good…dammit. I mean, not much.”

This week, my newest series Things That Don’t Make Sense continues. It’s been already a couple of weeks since I last posted and to be honest, get off my back about it. There’s obviously no pleasing everyone. Some people suggest I write more often, some asking for more detailed posts, some commenting that they are consistently too long. This week’s cultural topic is:

COUNTERACTIONS

I know I’ve talked about healthy eating before, but a couple of weeks ago I ordered a taxi. When the driver arrived at my house, the passenger seat was literally COVERED in bottles of water. Naturally, (to avoid taxi driver turrets – ask if you have no idea what this is) I said “Hey man, that’s a lot of water.” This taxi driver (obviously an immigrant) explained, after a long-winded story, that he was ‘saving his kidneys’. “What does that even mean?” I asked. Apparently you need to save your kidneys for when you’re old and if you drink cola, coffee, alcohol, etc, your kidneys will be weak for when you are older, which is why he only ever drank water. I believe that without practice, your kidneys will not be reactive once you DO actually need them. So even though I don’t have any scientific evidence to back this claim, but I don’t think that makes sense.

FACT: I originally had the title of this post being “Checks and Counter-Balances”, and there’s actually no real reason for me to divulge this piece of information. In fact, that fact is in and of itself something that doesn’t make sense.

I’m not going to lie and say I’m perfect – no matter how well I pretend. I do some of these counteracting things day in and day out and those who know me can vouch while you read on. But here is a short list of counteractions that make absolutely no sense and require virtually no further explanation:

- Going for a nice long run, then going for all-you-can-eat (sushi, tacos, fish & chips, etc…) to the point of not being able to walk straight.
- Smoking…but especially if lighting up while walking out of the gym.
- Ordering junk/fast food combo meal with large fries, an extra sandwich, and chicken nuggets…with a diet drink.
- Ramping up for a cleansing diet by eating fried chicken and potato chips.
- De-tox diets. Ever. Period.

Of course, I would like to elaborate on a few things, but I just don’t think it would really add to anything. For the record, “Jumbo Shrimp” is not a real oxymoron.

In an attempt to satisfy all potential readers, I tried not to stray too far on this one. BUT, if you think I missed something, PLEASE post a comment. That’s simple. If you can’t handle that I don’t manage to write every single week, you may want to consider some new hobbies. Moreover, if you find that the posts are too long, I guess you can just stop reading when you’ve had enough, but I just don’t think that would make much sense.

Don’t Carry a Cold in Your Pocket

Over the last few posts, I will admit, I’ve been pretty angry sounding, maybe not so fun, and perhaps pretty annoying. It’s just – sometimes – things really frustrate me…for no reason. So anyway, for the next little bit I’ll just pure rant, if that’s alright with you folks. This week's cultural topic is PART ONE of a new series featuring Things That Don’t Make Sense:

HANDERCHIEFS

Normally when I’m trying to think of something to write about (and I’ll admit that sometimes I don’t write that well) I just try to write everything down in point form and then just fill in the blanks, kind of like mad-libs only less funny, less “reader directed” and more writer-controlled.

I don’t understand handkerchiefs. I mean, obviously I understand why they EXIST (historically, anyway) but I don’t understand why people still USE them. They invented Kleenex (facial tissue) with the exact goal of outlawing handkerchiefs, but for some reason they were only so successful.

FACT: Kleenex was trademarked in 1924 and by the 1930s the company was basically leading the single-use, paper-based facial tissue and has continued to maintain itself as an industry leader. Better than ever, Kleenex provided a non-reusable alternative to the handkerchief. But that’s not all there is to know about blowing your nose.

I know guys always look after they’ve blown their nose, and it’s not just me – ALL guys do it. I’ve always wondered if girls look. Guys know what boogers look like. You name it: phlegm boogers, allergy boogers, running nose, bloody nose, post bloody nose, straight up snot. But

Boogers aside, it’s not that fact that you carry around a snot covered cloth all day and use it over and over and will likely end up redistributing and recycling mucus back onto your nose or face that bothers me. What bothers me is the fact that you then take that same cloth and mix it in with all of your laundry. You know when do laundry and it smells so nice afterwards and then you caress it on your cheek and snuggle up to it like you would if you saw that little laundry teddy bear thing from the ads in real life? Well if you have a handkerchief, you can kiss that dream goodbye. Not even the greatest combination of fabric softeners in the world (liquid, gels, dryer balls, sheets, reusable dryer cloths…you name it) could make your clothes comfortable again. Stone washed jeans of comfortable, but they ain’t got nothin’ on snot. Washing your clothes in snot is like upgrading your thumbtack covered chair to one that is made out of thorns – it just doesn’t make sense.

When we were kids everyone used to just rub their nose on their sweater sleeve or something and if it was summer, maybe you could just use your hand and it would dry off because it was hot or because you were a kid you were probably about to go running through the sprinkler in the yard and you never really actually needed a shower or bath because you just did fun things that cleaned you off and you didn’t understand why pooping in the pool was bad – but it was just funny…as long as it wasn’t you who actually did it. But then you grow up. And when you grow up you more or less understand science. So when you aren’t actually clean, you will at least you should be.

I realise that it’s mostly older people using handkerchiefs, maybe middle aged at the youngest. I understand the convenience of constantly having a nose-wipe at your ready disposal, perhaps in your breast pocket, maybe simply in your trouser pocket. But I think the revolution has begun - actually, it began nearly one hundred years ago. I just don’t understand why or how you can. You want to be healthy? You want to be clean? Environmentalists can complain about unnecessary waste all they like…but even they use Kleenex. After all, why would you want to carry around your cold when you could just throw it away?

Unbelievable - or Not.

“I feel for you, but that feeling is nausea.”
- Charlie, to Allan - from a show I used to hate but now find myself watching fairly often

So if you had asked me on the weekend what I was going to write about, I would have told you with an extremely high level of confidence that this week’s post would be about the Alberta election, or could have broadened the topic and discussed how stupid provincial politics can be and voter apathy and Alberta PC dominance for the last 37 years…but that would be boring. This week’s cultural topic is:

STRESS

As poised, calm, confident and well-spoken as Ed Stelmach normally is, you’d better believe he was biting his nails when the polls closed at 8:00pm on Monday.

Of course, if you know Alberta politics, you’ll understand that, of course, I’m being a little facetious. BUT, low and behold, once again, Alberta opted BLUE and the Progressive Conservative Party of Alberta won another overwhelming number of seats to secure another term as majority leaders, beating the next closest adversary by 26% of the Popular Vote, or a margin of 63 seats. 72-9-2-0-0. That was the final score. If you think any politician any how involved anywhere in Alberta was NOT even SLIGHTLY stressed out on election day, you might be right; I don’t know ever politician. But they probably were.

Now, I’m no psychologist (hell, I never even took a single psychology class in university), but I can read. Stress is medically understood as a discrepancy in perception of person-environment interaction. So whether there is actually a different level of outside pressure or not, it is personal perception that actually makes the difference between a person who is stressed out or a person who is not.

Too lazy to write an entire paragraph explaining.
So, RESULTS OF STRESS AND THEIR NICKNAMES:
Stress-case. Whack-job. Mental. Couk. Crazy. Hysterical. Irrational. [Insert other synonym for person who is stressed out].

Yeah, but I think most people are pretty familiar with what stress is. We all get stressed. (I’m worried (but not stressed) about how lame this filler paragraph is probably going to be.) I get stressed by really stupid useless things but don’t typically let normally stressful things get to me. I think it’s because I’m a procrastinator by nature. And you all know what stresses me out; I’ve talked about them over the last month and a half: traffic, stupid people, stupid people in traffic, etc. And now that I actually think about, traffic actually just pisses the hell out of me more than it does stress me out, and I guess since there are no real long term effects of stress from sitting in traffic, (unless maybe you are in traffic at a really inopportune time like having to get to a super important meeting that if you miss you will also lose your job and you really like your job so the last thing you want is to lose it over the fact that people don’t know how to drive or merge or be smart)…so I don’t really get stressed about traffic itself. What stresses me is the fact that I have no control over the fact that other people just-don’t-get it. But I shouldn’t worry about that, because it’s impossible to control everyone. Hell, even Stelmach’s Conservatives only control 52% of the voters.
Zen is the opposite of stress. I used to think I was pretty zen, but I was wrong and that just pissed me off, which for obvious reasons is why I am clearly NOT zen, though I’d like a zen fountain for my house.

Most people hate getting mail, most often because its bills, or notices, or due date this or due date that. Lately it’s been tax forms: T4 this, T5 that, notice of assessment this, or RRSPs that. You still have almost two months to file. It’s nice writing these blog posts kind of whenever I want instead of how I used to have a set day I would normally post…not that I was ever REALLY stressed when I missed it. If you owe tax, that sucks. If you’re about to get some back, that’s great. But don’t worry. After all, even though it came in the mail, the last thing we want is someone going all postal.

And the Winner IS...

Oscars tonight! Unfortunately, the winner is no one. There are so many things to write about the last couple of weeks and I’ve been pretty slack – and unfortunately for me, I picked up that slack today and so did everyone else. With the weather being so nice lately, everyone feeling summer and can’t wait for it to finally arrive. There is no winner this week because of this week’s cultural topic:

HURRY UP AND WAIT

The other day, I threw on the shades, cranked the tunes and drove all the way home with the car window down. Yup, just an average week in subtropical Calgary, AB. WHAT?! Thanks to Chinooks, Calgary gets the intermittent taste of springtime all winter long. A good thing? You’d better believe it. But I’ll complain about it anyway.

Q: But wait, Kai, what the hell does nice weather have anything to do with waiting?

A: Why do you think people get fat in the winter? Why don’t you see as many people walking around outside when it’s really cold out? Why don’t people go to the mountains when the weather is forecast cloudy, miserable and unpleasant? Simple: They all stay inside.

To avoid going outside, people must stay INSIDE. Thus when they are inside, they are NOT OUTSIDE. What this means is that when it’s nice, people DO go outside. When people leave their houses (or their rented houses/apartments/igloos) the OUTSIDE is BUSIER. And busier is bad for business…unless you’re talking about a non-figurative business in which case more business generally means more bottom line profits. Okay, that was a stupid thing to write, but I hate having to wait in line.

The biggest problem for me is that no matter how far ahead you plan there will always be someone else further ahead than you. Even if you get to the ski hill nice and early, there’s no guarantee you will be the first on the lift. If you get to the store, there’s no guarantee you will have the best parking stall. And in real life, just because you’ve been at a company the longest, doesn’t mean you’ll have the highest (or highest paying) position…though they all help. HOWEVER, if you get to the ski hill late, you will NOT be the first on the hill. If you get to the store an hour before closing you will NOT have a full selection of inventory to choose from. And if you arrive early at work and work diligently at your job…you may still be overlooked. Operations Managers all over the world are constantly figuring out ways to “alleviate the bottleneck”. Hey, Operations Managers - Bottleneck this! Get rid of people who get in my way of doing things efficiently.

There are some things, obvioulsy, that you can control in the little realm we'll call "waiting around" and, equally, some you cannot. And of course, as I do for most things that trouble me, I blame THIS epidemic on stupid people.

CAN CONTROL:
You can control what time you wake up in the morning.
You can control when you drive like a stupid moron.
You can control if you are lazy and just take the stairs two flights instead.
You can control how much time you do doing unproductive activities.
You can control how you react to stupid people.

CANNOT CONTROL:
You cannot control that sometimes the gondola will break down.
You cannot control that sometimes there will be an accident on the way to work.
You cannot control when the elevator will break down.
You cannot control the weather.
You cannot control stupid people around you.

The concept of hurry up and wait was initially formally introduced to me in a customs line up to reenter England at London Gatwick airport approximately one year ago as I was flying back Carnavale in Venice with some friends. This was also the same weekend that a group of girls said “We don’t have an accent!” – but they were stupid…and in front of me in line – but that’s neither here nor there. Bottom line is: if the cold weather could just continue long enough for me to finish all my chores, shopping and make it so that people are unmotivated enough to NOT make me wait in line, I would be able to make more time to write my blog…which would be great. So HURRY and STOP BEING SO STUPID SOMETIMES! Or take your time – you’ll probably have to wait anyway.

The Power of non-Sense

It has recently come to my attention that I actually have readers again. In the year I was away, I would have been lucky to claim I had 5 regular readers. Nowadays, it’s impossible to know how many I have; educated guesses suggest we’re up to around 8. which, turns out, is more than can be said about most TV shows these days. This week’s cultural topic is:

FANATICISM

When you think of fanactics, what is the first thing that pops into mind? I’ve thought up a few but in the interest of keeping this thing interactive, if you think of any others, leave your mark in the comments section.


Sports

With the conclusion of this weekend’s NFL Pro-Bowl, American football is officially over for the season. Of course, no one actually cares about the pro-bowl, but with the devastating conclusion to last week’s historical Superbowl, it leaves us with nothing to watch on Sundays. So why do people care so much about sports? Professional sports bring communities together. Of course, there are always a few who decided to piss us all off and cheer for the bad-guys, like as if you can live in Calgary, where you also grew up, and end up truly liking the unsuccessful Edmonton Oilers. 1980s dynasty-schmynasty. But that’s exactly my point. That last sentence (now two sentences ago) was an outburst of trash-talking, which periodically will erupt between to passionate sports fans. You’ll probably never hear people yelling at the top of their lungs about a golfer missing a putt, or a tennis player not returning a volley, but even the biathlon amateurs have fans out there somewhere. International sporting becomes the most passionate, because fans are now not only supporting their favorite team, are also united in supporting their country.

People get superstitious about sporting events, dress up in funny clothing, put their life savings into games they have no control over, etc. The thing people have to realise however is that sports entertainment is just that; it’s entertainment. So you may get together with your friends three days a week to watch your team hoping they win, and in a way the game schedule will also dictate your social schedule, but if everyone could finally realise that when your team loses it is not the end of the world; that would be great. Thanks. Remember: There’s no shame in second place…unless the Oilers are ahead of you.


Music

Obviously, like in any other aspect in life, people have preferences, and whether they were acquired or whether they are ingrained genetically, different types of music appeal to different types of people. For the most part, people stick to their bases and enjoy similar artists or genres and may have offshoots, but the fact of the matter is anyone who tells you they like every kind of music is lying. Tolerance is a different story. But as they have historically, social movements and social trends are associated with music, be it protest music, psychedelic hippy music, or the current emo-punk movement. No one is going to be able to participate, as much as they might want to, in every single movement associated with every single music genre. Traditionally a rock-boy, I didn’t used to be a fan of country music, but then turned 18 and ended up a few nights at the late, great Cowboys Nightclub for some drinking and the twang became something I couldn’t be without. Then again, once in a while a specific band that you really dislike for whatever reason, say because they are the epitome of emo-rock – which I hate, comes along and comes out with a song that is universally appealing, and rather than immediately changing the radio station you have a lapse of good judgment and momentarily let your guard down just long enough for the tolerable musical stylings to enter into your world and during downtimes at work you find yourself clicking to youtube to listen to the song on your command, ie. MCR – Teenagers. Blech.


Television

This Film Writers Guild strike is becoming huge pain in my ass. Nothing new to talk about and no new quotable material on TV, I’m running on empty. Of course, I have no control over this, and don’t honestly know a lot about it, but the bottom line is this: Without new television, fans who week by week anxiously await their favorite network television programming are slowing finding interests in other activities and in the meantime are becoming more and more disconnected from pop-culture. People have to keep up with other things, like politics, or sports, or reality TV, or worse of all, reruns. Certain talk shows, namely late night talk shows, have convinced their staff to cross the picket lines and are actually paying out of their own pockets, (pockets most likely being a network-subsidized pocket), just so that they can give their fans fresh material. And who’s to blame? Well if you’re counting, you can definitely put this one on the union. These days you rarely hear “Hey, did you watch that new [insert show name] last night?”. And I miss it. Networks have resorted to an emergence of pilot shows – shows which have never otherwise been aired because they are lame and honestly, if there are no sports on, I’d sooner read a book than veg on the couch. Of course, video games are also played on the TV and are actually becoming really neat and sophisticated. Along with that comes online gaming and the whole idea of playing with people around the world is pretty dang cool. But even on the nerdiest of all gaming sites, you won’t be able to hear anyone talking about last week’s episode new Heroes… Basically, if video killed the radio star, unions killed the video. Unions also killed freewill, and capitalism, but that’s a subject probably better left for a different day.

Overall, whether examining all types of fanatics, be they emo-goths or union workers, everybody just wants to feel like they are a part of something. That something could be it as huge as a social revolution or as minute as two people in a friendship. People want to know that there are other like-minded people around them, whether that’s a preference for a certain television show, a sports team, or just sharing a taste in music. It’s amazing to think about millions of people all watching the same sporting event like the FIFA World Cup, or how a legendary recording artist like Paul McCartney can get 300 000 people together for a free show in Rome with one day’s notice.

But that’s the power of fanaticism. Good marketing helps too.

Curing Stupid

Fact is, I would like to write about something happy, and nice, and be all bubbly about it, but something has come over me and straight up, I'm just frustrated with the overall situation. Snapshot: I wish I actually liked getting out of bed when the forecast high is -50C in the wind, but truth be told, I don't. So sue me. This long-time-coming-post's cultural topic is:



WINTER

In southern Alberta, we are blessed with a weather phenomenon known as "Chinook". These pacific winds travel over the Rocky Mountains depositing heaps of luscious and skiable snow in the beautiful, majestic Rocky Mountains. This week, however, the Chinook had it out for us. As a Northerly weather system came down into our fair prairies, the Chinook failed to make its necessary appearance. With great power comes great responsibility and unfortunately for anyone having to endure it, which great cold comes great pain in the ass factor. This week's post will be broken down (as are most peoples' cars) into subsections that will be condensed rants and will just get a lot of my chest.

DISCLAIMER: MAY BE FAIRLY INSULTING TO SOME, WEAK HEARTED READERS MAY CHOOSE NOT TO READ THE FOLLOWING SECTION.

Starting your car

Everybody knows that when it's cold you're supposed to plug in your car...if you want it to start. Maybe it's a subconscious thing, but people who need to, never do and the ones you plan properly end up being the ones who don't get stranded when the temperatures drop. It's called common sense (topic for a different day) and it shouldn't be taken lightly. Background info: Canadian cars are designed with what they call a "block heater" which heats the antifreeze/coolant in your engine "block". When the antifreeze is heated to above outside temperatures, the starter is able to turn over the engine more easily and thus, "start" the car. In order to engage the block heater, an electrical unit, the car must be connected to an electrical source, namely an electrical outlet, usually in the wall of your house or garage. So, connect the wall outlet to your car using an extension cord or if it is easier, plug the car's electrical cord directly into the wall. This will facilitate the starting of your car and prevent you having to call in sick or late to your job and will also ensure the prolonged life of your car and it's engine. The Number One Biggest Tip for making sure your car starts when you need it to: don't be a dumb-ass moron.

Shoveling the walk

If you own/rent/lease/squat/live somewhere with a sidewalk, as a citizen of earth, shoveling your walk is something you will have to do. If YOU don’t want to do it you can pay some kid down the street, or your roommate/partner/spouse/child, or maybe a “snow angel” aka. neighbour can do it, but it’s an inevitable fact of living where it snows. Number one reason old people have heart-attacks in the winter? Shoveling snow. So why do old people try to do it? Maybe it has to do with trying to feel young, or feel active, or maybe they’re just good people and that’s what good people do…they shovel their sidewalk. Afterall, people have to WALK on the sidewalk, otherwise they might just be called side-cement, or side-road if only small non-motorized vehicles were allowed on it, or sidecrawl or siderun if you were allowed to go on it but you weren’t allowed to walk so you either had to stay motionless or be on all-fours or be running or probably at least jogging (might be pronounced yogging…soft J). If you want to buy a snowblower that’s fine too…just get it done before it turns to ice. Ice is dangerous for old ladies. But old ladies won’t walk outside when it’s blowing wind and the day’s high is -50C. So yeah, you should do it, but don’t do it if frostbite is imminent and you will otherwise not make it to work on time. Tip: create a happy medium between inconsiderate jerk and good Samaritan. Save the old ladies.

Idiot drivers

“Honey, it’s cold out today – make sure you drive like a bigger retard than you normally do!” Hey, idiot drivers: This section is for you! And if you learn anything in this paragraph take it with you for the rest of the year as well. DON’T DRIVE LIKE A TOTAL MORON AND YOU WON’T CRASH YOUR CAR! Makes sense, doesn’t it? I don’t understand why people turn stupid when snow falls on the ground. Drive a little slower if you have to, but nothing in the world pisses me off more than when my commute into work is 3 times as long as normal just because I’ve been in traffic because some chromosomal defective person decides not to merge properly and suddenly the 80km/h flow has to slow to STOPPED. I am really passionate about this topic and my dangerous road rage potential goes up a notch pretty much every rush hour I drive in. People often joke about testing bad parents before they are able to conceive children. Well, I’m not joking when I talk about testing people for bloody common sense before they are allowed out of the house. The worst part about driving is that it can reduce IQ scores of perfectly normal, smart people by (guestimation) more than 60 points, putting even the brightest of geniuses into the mentally handicapped zones…which, sorry to say, doesn’t mean they are allowed to park in handicapped, or even worse, take up two large stalls at the same time. But unfortunately for many, bad driving can’t be blamed solely on the weather; I blame stupid.


I’d like to excuse most of my written deficiencies on typos, but some are just because you have a stupid lapse. I spelled the word “extension” wrong a few paragraphs ago and the No. 2 suggestion was “extent ion”. When anyone would need to write about ion extents, I don’t know. Maybe the writers of MS Word can discuss it with scientists who are currently looking for a cure for stupid. I suspect they’ll eventually find one…when hell freezes over.