Better than a burn

'Everybody feels better in a tan'

Bonjour, or that's what they'd have you believe anyway. Today is rainy...it's supposed to be sunny in beach towns, no? Otherwise no one would live there. Currently in the french surf town of Biarritz, livin' it up in the cloudy, windy, though surprisingly pleasant beach town mentality. Less than a week ago, we came from a different coastal town, though it is port town, so beaches were not quite as nice. La Rochelle boasted what we would call an excellent base tan, if not a burn, and now I'm just waiting for the last of my back to fall off (as well as the sun to start shining in Biarritz before I can get back to my favorite look. This week's cultural topic is:

TANNING

Tans, like most anything else, come in varying degrees. In education, you can get a high school diploma, a bachelor's degree, master's degree or PhD. In tanning, it's kind of the same, only with tans, the degree is the degree of attractiveness that is held in a certain kind of tan.

The Farmer's tan. This is probably the most common type of tan, since most people don't get the chance to actually take off their t-shirt in the sun, and unfortunately, many that do probably shouldn't. But admittedly, farmer's tan is probably better than no tan at all. The tan ends mid-upper arm and looks alright until you wear a shirt that has short sleeves. Then, you're the laughing stalk of the town.

Beater tan. The more politically correct name for this tan would be atheletic vest tan. If you aren't going to have a proper full tan you might as well have this one. Full arm coverage, as well as shoulder and neck and upper chest, you can wear virtually any shirt and fool even the best of us into thinking you're fully covered. It's the white stomach and back that doesn't look too appealing. But definitely one step up from the farmer type.

Shorts tan. For girls, this may also be the equivalent to a bikini tan, covering just about as much as decently possible without actually going in the buff. Nice coverage everywhere on the body except for parts below the belt, and may actually be blinding when the shorts come off, but you live with it because you feel good and look even better.

And then there's the tan's arch nemesis: The burn. The burn always happens so suddenly and it always happens to the people who think they're invincible (like me), but obviously aren't. But the burn is just a real bitch. The worst part about it is the itchy feeling that comes about 4 days later. Day 1: You burn, it hurst. Day 2: it's tender, but it's not red anymore. Day 3: the burn starts to change colour to a more tanned looking brown, and thoughts like 'maybe I'll be alright afterall' come to mind. Then Day 4: it happens. And it hurts. The next few days are alright, but you just don't want to walk around without a top on because it's going to look pretty crappy...all peeling-like.

Of course, just like university degrees, you can get both REAL and FAKE tans. Real ones, obviously, can look a little funny, probably don't have completely even colour, maybe a little white triangle under your chin or something like that, maybe on your chest it'll be a little whiter, just because the sun always comes from the top...not the bottom, but the clearest way to distinguish a real tan from a fake one is once you get your knickers off. WHITE. Unless, you don't have naturally light coloured skin, in which case it will be whatever colour that is naturally...the point is it'll be a lighter shade than the rest of your body.

Just for good measure, here are the best parts about being tanned. You feel better. Your skin feels smoother. Muscles? What are muscles - you have a tan! Reaching out for something and noticing that you have tanned hands is probably the best part about being tanned, but that's probably an entire post in itself. The best part of the tan, though? Knowing that you've spent your time and money wisely.

You ever been on vacation and someone in your group says something like 'looks like the bad weather followed us here'? And you just want to hit them, because what are the chances that out of the 6 billion people in the world the bad weather just decided to follow YOU? Well, maybe it would be easier if the bad weather just never showed up in the first place; that way we could all just be happier in our tans.

LE BigMac

'I don't know, I never went to Burger King.'

If you've never been to France, you should at least try out their bloody computer keyboards - frustrating? Yeah, maybe a little. On a lighter note: McDonalds. I normally try to go in a new country without becoming a victim of corporate America as long as I possibly can, but this trip, it took only about a week and a half. If you have ever tried to stay under 20€ a day in spending in a place that travel books recommend budgeting at least 40-50, you'll know that all you can really afford is bread, cheese, and maybe some sandwich meat, if you've been a good boy... This week's FRENCH cultural topic is:

LA GASTRONOMIE

Now, I realise that I've actually talked about food a number of times, but let's get serious. English food is not really THAT good. Now obviously everyone loves fish and chips every once in a while (unless you're allergic to fish, I suppose) but if there's one thing the French love to be good at, it's French Cuisine. Strangely enough, they even named it in their own language! Everyone who has seen the great Pulp Fiction already knows it, but the biggest difference in fast food is this: Big Mac is the same, Fillet of Fish is McFish, quater pounder = Royal Cheese, and in Paris you can get beer on tap. As far as McDo goes, that's really all there is to it.

Crepes. Crepes, in case you've never had the pleasure, are really thin pancake kind of things that are served with sweet things in the middle - like butter, honey, fruit, or the most popular of all, nutella (chocolate hazelnut spread - which, due to technical difficulties, i cannot eat). But if sweet is not what you're looking for, look no further! You'll love les galettes. Galettes are based on the same idea, but instead of sugary filling, you'll find delicious meats, cheeses, maybe some eggs, maybe some vegetables...perfect for dinner or a heavy afternoon, morning or late night snack!

Croque Monsieur. Picture this: ham baked in between two slices or bread with cheese melted on top. This is the typical kind of food one might find in a Brasserie/bar. AKA bar food. Serve that up with some fries and you're laughing. Add a fried egg, you've got yourself a Croque Madame. C'est facile, ein?!

Le Café. Ever gone into that crappy little coffee shop around the corner from your place and just said 'dang, I really wish I could just get a really nice double espresso that didn't taste like feet'? We'll I'll be the first to tell you that in France, that's never a problem. In France they laugh at the idea of 'filter coffee' and when you order a coffee, it's fresh and it's good.

Le Menu. This is not a foreign concept, but it's what we might call a set-meal. Anywhere from 2 to 7 courses from prices of 8 to 50€, France offers the combination you're looking for. Yeah, we splurged the one day and went for a 15er. But picture this: aperitif, oysters (huites) for the appetizer, marinated mussles (moules) for the entry, mutton chops and potatoes (mouton), goat cheese digestif, and top that puppy off with a mousse au chocolat. Delicious? Yes. Also the first time I've had oysters since I was 8.

Of course, you could always play it cheap (like we do most days) and stick to the baguette and camembert, but don't forget the WINE!

Zero Hour Work-week

Ever wondered what it would be like to not have a job, rent payments, responsibility or a care in the world? Have you ever gone on vacation and when it's over you wished you had had more time to hang around and do nothing? Welcome to the first edition of international cultural topic of the week!

CANAMERICA does EUROPE: The Loire Valley

So basically, this is how it is: no home, no job, no plans. With the duo of Kai Hochhausen (Calgary, Canada) and Dale Vaughn (Dallas, Texas), we're rocking Europe budget-style! What's the difference between us and hobos? Bank accounts! (I have two, actually, and I am also able to pay credit card bills!) Well, this is the preview edition for the new couple of months.

Right now, I'm paying by the minute for internet. A strange phenomena and royal pain in the ass, not the the royalty that lived in the castles hereabouts. The castles are nice, camping is cheap and the only really expensive thing around is the fact that you have to pay out of your ass just to walk in past the gates! So, I've seen castles, oh, yes I have. But the truth is, working on a homeless person's budget is very very hard. So difficult, in fact, that all I really eat is pork sausage, camembert, and baguette. Un cafe est aussi necessaire de temps en temps...

The Loire Valley is known for it's countless (though countable) castles, with some dating back to medieval time. I'm on a pay computer, so I won't go into too much time, but starting in Tours, we made it to Villandry, Rigny-Ussé, Langeais and are now in the nice "metropolis" (approx 30 000 people) of Chinon, which boasts the oldest and (to me) most impressive. Google them, I dare you.

Snapshot: Wine is cheap, and generally good, but if I could offer you one piece of advice, don't drink it if it's oxidised. Kind of tastes like vinegar. But we'll get into wine in a later french edition! Other topics on the forefront: French cuisine and how to eat it for cheap! Hiking 900km across Spain. The Running of the bulls. Surfing. Beach Frisbeer. AND MORE!

I've talked about it before, but I'll let you know all of the secrets of how to eat, drinking, camp, and play all within a budget of around 25 Euros a day! So, stay tuned for more exciting adventures of team Canamerica!

PS/NB: Sorry about the lack of pictures/Je m'excuse de ne past avoir plus de photos in this post/dans ce post. A la prochaine!

This one goes to eleven

Hopefully someone picked up on that (not-so) obscure movie reference. This is one of those posts that needs no introduction. It needs no research. No instructions are necessary. And everyone knows about it and might be able to relate. It’s one of those things that can be the driving force behind anything you do and the way you react to different genres can show other people how you are as a person. And no, we’re not just still just talking about karaoke. This week’s English and international topic is:

MUSIC

The words England and Rock music are almost synonymous. London is HUGE for developing and innovating music, and some of the most epic musicians come from England - especially from rock in the 60s, 70s, 80s but with digital recording technology moving as quickly as it is, London is becoming now also a major source for drum & bass, hip-hop and electronica. This is one of those posts that you have so much to say but just can’t get it out. Basically, I’m not in a music group at the moment and will likely not be at the level in the near future to put it all on the line for it, but if I were going to and I had connections, London would be the place to do it.

My friend is an excellent example of the continuingly successful progression of alternative rock music here in London. (Shameless plug) Rizy Fawkes has just recently recorded a wicked demo album. They’re an international group looking for a way out of the English mountain sports industry. Maybe a little hippie in real life, but they have a solid rock foundation and they do eat meat. Check out their myspace; you won’t be disappointed. Also, tell your friends.
www.myspace.com/rizyfawkes.
I also have a couple of cousins who have bands in Canada, but they never responded to my emails in time for me to get their myspace addresses up on this post. As far as I’m concerned, they just lost out BIG on free publicity – there must be at least TEN (or 11) people who read this damn thing – but as they say, no publicity is bad publicity.

Someone asked me the other week if I would rather be blind or deaf. I chose blind. Plain and simple, I suppose, I’d rather be neither, but without music, I would be virtually useless. Every morning I play music to put me in whatever mood I want to be in for that day, and depending on whether I actually do pick the correct song will dictate whether I made the right choice. But whether it's a sight, sound, smell or taste that goes along with it, I doubt I would be able to go without music.

The way songs make you think about things. Last week, I finally joined the world of mp3 technology and bought a little portable player. Upon thorough (10 minutes of window shopping) I opted for the ZEN, by CREATIVE. Pretty neat little toy. I loaded the software onto the computer, restarted and then loaded on random songs that the program chose for me. Do you ever make a play list of everything on your computer and then just turn it on? I do. It’s pretty amazing the number of songs that come on that make you think about something that you never would have remembered otherwise.

Maybe something important happened while you were listening to that song, or maybe it was just something that makes you smile. Sometimes a song that other people think is stupid just touches you in just the perfect way. As I walked home this evening, “Sex & Candy” came on and I thought back to a trip to Lethbridge, AB I went on in Grade 9. Random. But that’s what it can do to you and I’m sure this will happen more as I get older, thankfully. Like when someone says “I’m blue”, what do you think? Probably something along the lines of dabudi dabudai. I’m a wrong?

I hate when people immediately pass judgment on people who don’t like a certain genre of music. I used to be that way, but I’ve changed, man. Different strokes for different folks, right? Yes. One thing I have come to realise talking to different people is actually WHY people like different kind of music. One kind of music I just really cannot listen to is screamo. I just don’t like the deafening screams. To me, the screaming completely ruins what would otherwise be a really good heavy rock song. What I don’t get is why they would invest so much time in something that doesn’t appeal to the masses. Especially because most of them are really talented musicians. Some people are the same with country music; they don’t like the twang. Disco is too patterned. Drum and bass is too mellow, etc. Fact is, that’s why different genres of music exist and if you don’t like it, don’t listen. But don’t criticize. It’s as simple as that.

This week is my last in England, which means that unfortunately, I’ve had to leave some pretty major English cultural topics behind, and unfortunately (probably for the same reasons), I kind of wish I had left out a few of the ones I actually DID opt for (like the one about BBQs, which kind of sucked), but starting next week I’m going to turn it up a notch (musical reference) to EUROPEAN CULTURAL TOPICS, as I’ll be on the road for anywhere from 3 to 5 months, so keep tuning in (another musical reference) and I’ll make sure that none of the topics get too distorted (a third one), but if they do, maybe you could just give me some feedback (one more for good measure). It’s been fun writing about England every week, but change is good. I’ll try to keep it up through my trip, though internet access may become kind of sparse. If it does, though, keep on rockin’ and give me a (16-bar) break.

Sing us a song (Piano Man only)

“I sing better when I’m drunk!”
– famous last words

Do you ever wake up in the morning really hung-over, still wearing the clothes from last night, but smellier, not really knowing how you got home, and though you’re already running late for work, you still think it’s a really good idea to take a long shower, and as you’re getting out of the shower realise just how uncoordinated you actually, and as you get dressed you just hate your life so much and cuss and swear at yourself for drinking and spending so much last night and then you DO make it to work, but barely, and you’re sweaty because you had to run (blast you extra long shower) and then you reach into your back pocket because it’s more comfortable to stand like that than it is to have your arms crossed in front of you, and then you find a 20 note and everything you were angry about instantly goes away? Well that happened to me this morning.

Last week I went to Paris with my mom and it was pretty much the most whirlwind trip ever. Really cool. I was contemplating doing this week about Family, or a weekend getaway: Paris, but weekend getaway is not super fun for anyone to read except me and I kind of get to sounding like a tour book and the one about family I’ll save for a time when I want to get everyone all sentimental-like. This week’s cultural topic is:

Karaoke

In case you have never been out of the house and have no idea what this is, it’s basically the chance for someone who is often not a very good singer to sing in front of real people. Karaoke was invented in the 1970s in Japan (duh). In Japanese (not that I speak it) Karaoke is literally broken down to the words kara = empty/void + oke = orchestra. So, music void of lyrics. It is then the singer’s job to play lead vocalist and fill in the “void”.

I know my grandmother goes to a group every week to do it, and the time that we all went to see her, she was actually really good. I, on the other hand, am not good. In fact, I’d say most people who try to sing well are horrible and those who try to sing horribly are horrible as well. Karaoke let’s me put my shower singing practice into good use. My most common song of choice is Twist and Shout by the Beatles, even though I’m not the hugest Beatles fan. I just really love belting out that “Ah…ah…ah…” followed by what was voted VH1’s best scream in rock n roll music. I don’t know if I’d say it’s number 1 calibre, but it’s definitely a gooder. I think it should be given to The Who, but what do I know? This week we’re going to “Rockstar Karaoke Night” at Zoo bar in Leicester Square. Haven’t decided what I’ll sing yet.

Have you ever read the book or seen the movie “High Fidelity” (written by Nick Hornby, movie staring John Cusack et al.) where they always list “TOP 5” whatever? Well lately, we’ve been doing that a lot with music. Different genres, different styles, different eras, different levels of influence, best UK bands, best American bands, etc. It’s fun. You should try it. It’s actually really hard to figure things out like that, because sometimes I really won’t like a certain artist, but cannot deny the fact that he/they had a huge influence on music. I’m expanding my horizons, maybe. But I still think Screamo sucks.
Traditionally, karaoke was done in a bar, or clubhouse, or house party, or wherever people gathered, but now, you can do it just about anywhere, from arcades, to bedrooms, to home video game consoles. Scary, yet promising.

Many people think that they get to be better singers when they’re drunk. This is incorrect. What’s actually happening is that alcohol reduces sensory capabilities which affect proper hearing. I’m not saying that if you know you’re bad, you shouldn’t sing, but it’s important that you know something: (I understand that it feels good when you get up, hold the mic, people clap and then your friends high five you, but) just because you won’t remember it tomorrow, doesn’t make singing out of tune okay. So if nothing else, remember that.

I’m pretty sure most people, even non-musicians, have fanaticized about being a rockstar for one reason or another. After all, rock stars don’t really need to accidentally find money in their back pockets, they’re practically made of it.