Trooper-less

“There could be only one…” – Mark Stanley, upon seeing the Trooper downtown

 Quotation could also have been “here for a good time, not a long time…”. This week’s culture topic is:

 

CARLESSNESS

 

No, I didn’t spell that wrong, nor did you read it wrong. I am without vehicle. I am, therefore, car-less. I mean, you could probably carelessly read the word wrong, but if you did, you would miss the point of what I am trying to get across. Well, there really isn’t a real point yet, but it’s the idea.

 

Beginnings:

My story with the Trooper dates back almost 3 years. The history before my ownership is somewhat hazy. All readings were in imperial units and for the first while I needed a cheat sheet for conversions. The alignment is slightly off and only while driving in the left lane of a highway was the steering wheel straight. It had oversized tires and the speedo read low. Before me, it was likely an off-roader because the owner who had it before I did had to do major repairs on the rear differential. My troubles with the vehicle were minimal. I bought it for only one thousand dollars.

 

Driving:

It probably needed new seals all around.. After an early overheat and thermostat replacement (which never actually fixed the problem), my car was somehow deemed highway worthy by most of my friends, my family and, finally, me. We took some pretty good drives out the mountains – shifting down into fourth gear when necessary – some easy drives up to Edmonton – which proves undoubtedly that they are at different elevations (study driven by fuel economy), and of course, had some pretty good times in the city. All I ever put into it was oil and a starter, oh and a non-rusty front bumper.

 

I believed in the vehicle. Sure it was unsafe by many people’s standards, but it got me around. By the end of its life, the end section of the exhaust was all but gone. I drove for the most part on PnP gas and the engine knew it. It was never the smoothest 2.6L engine but it was a failing clutch that eventually got the best of the machien. One time I backed into lamppost and needless to say, the lamppost won that battle. Big dent, cracked plastic. No biggie.

 

Math about it:

Let me let you know something. I will not be getting a brand new car anytime soon. Sure, it’s less attractive picking a girl up for a date in an old rust bucket, but I paid $1000 for three years of driving. Add in the repairs I had done and that’s $1500 and subtract the measly $250 I managed to sell it for the open market…1250 for 3 years of vehicle. Dang that’s good value. Plus, now it will be in a better place and will get that clutch and exhaust it’s been rumbling and screeching about for the last 6 months.

 

Personality:

You see, many people have made fun of my vehicles over the years…station wagons and SUVs (and I also owned a Honda Accord for one day, but then sold it back because it wouldn’t start when I went to pick it up). It has easily been the coolest (unfortunately) and best looking vehicle which I have ever owned (unfortunately). I would even say it looked kind of rugged (with rear tire on back) and had good tire to wheel well ratios. But your car kind of becomes a part of your personality, so I have learned over the years never to insult a person’s car, because that’s like insulting the person directly. After all, having an ugly car is sure a hell of a lot better than not having one at all.

 

I will finish this post off with a musical tribute to my late Isuzu Trooper. Feel free to play along if you know how…

 

The Trooper Song

   G     D         Em7

A long, nine-teen years ago,  

Am               C                Em                   D

I can still remember how that loud exhaust used to make me smile

     G      D    Em7

And I know if I had my chance,

      Am                 C                Em              C           D

That I could drive those people around and maybe they'd be happy for a while            

    Em          Am                   Em          Am

But April road made me shiver, with every gear change I'd deliver

 C          G        Am          C                      D

Bad news for the AMA, that one last mile I couldn’t make

   G          D           Em           Am7            D

I can't remember if I cried when I realized I had a broken ride

 G         D          Em

Something touched me deep inside

     C       D7    G   C   G

The day the TROOPER died…

CHORUS

    G    C         G        D

So bye, bye big old practical ride

     G            C            G        D

No you’re not a chevy - that’s no reason to hide

          G        C                  G           D

And the good old toy was drinkin' coolant and oil

         Em                          A7   Em                          D7

Singin' this will be the day that it dies, this will be the day that I dies

 (instrumental)

G C G D

G C G D

G C G D

   C                D7             G   C   G

…this will be the day the trooper died.