Setting Sails

Q: Why are pirates pirates?
A: Because they ARRRRRR.

For the past week or so, I've been in Croatia. This is the second time I've been on the internet since I arrived, and it's the first time I've found the apostrophe key on the keyboard. It's not that I'm not smart, it's just that every country has their own different keyboard that better suits the way their own writing goes and uncommon letters are placed in the less reachable areas. I told you that story to tell you this one, which is the cultural topic of the week:

PIRATES

Being on the coast and seeing millions of dollars worth of boats, yachts and massive ships makes you want one. I don't know how to sail, I don't know anything about boats, I don't normally live on the ocean, I get seasick easily, and I don't know what the conversion is from nautical miles to normal ground speed. So why a prairie boy like me would want to be a pirate is questionable. But when it comes down to it, I think it's really everyone's dream to sail the world in their own private yacht.

In the open ocean, if you find an abandoned boat, it's yours...sort of like squatters rights, only with boats instead of houses. International I've been hanging out with 5 other people for about the last week and I think a six person crew would be a pretty good size crew to start out our pirating with. One day we all rented a boat (funny that it was coincidentally the only day it had rained in Croatia since sometime in May) and I suggested, as a proper pirate captain would, that we just roll (or rather float) over to a yacht and just claim it as our own. Apparently, however, there are legal implications involved, so we opted to not become international criminals and left most other boats alone.

It's strange to think about movies about pirates and how the good guys are actually the bad guys and the bad guys are the ones you cheer for. In France (and perhaps other countries as well) there was an entire comic book series around Jack Sparrow, the great pirate captain of the Black Pearl. People talking about violence on television and how it affects children behaviour is one thing...but teaching them that being a pirate is cool?

When it comes down to it, pirates are criminals. I have a moral dilemma every time that I deliberately do something like having taken a pint glass from a pub (which are not particularly good investments, since they always break in about 3 weeks and the risk of being caught are fairly good. I suppose I download music from the internet which is not totally ethical, but that's different. The problem is I really want a boat, but to have any sort of boat worth having, it costs too much, so that's why being a pirate would be a logical first step. But for every action there is an equal and opposite RE-action - which means that for every boat I would steal, someone would lose one. I've had my camera stolen before and it's probably the worst feeling ever, so I can't even imagine what it would be like to have something worth about 200 000 times the value stolen, no matter how much I would want one or even needed one.

Moral of the story is, even if I DID steal...no - Pirate - a boat, it would become pretty much useless, since I'm headed inland from here anyway. Plus, I don't have a crew anymore. Plus, I don't have a little boat to tow behind. Plus, I don't have a gun to hold up boats with. All valid reasons why I shouldn't be a pirate. But I have to say, I really with the Croatians would just get with the program and switch the Z and Y keys to where they should be. Maybe I'll steal them some proper English keyboards.