And the Winner IS...

Oscars tonight! Unfortunately, the winner is no one. There are so many things to write about the last couple of weeks and I’ve been pretty slack – and unfortunately for me, I picked up that slack today and so did everyone else. With the weather being so nice lately, everyone feeling summer and can’t wait for it to finally arrive. There is no winner this week because of this week’s cultural topic:

HURRY UP AND WAIT

The other day, I threw on the shades, cranked the tunes and drove all the way home with the car window down. Yup, just an average week in subtropical Calgary, AB. WHAT?! Thanks to Chinooks, Calgary gets the intermittent taste of springtime all winter long. A good thing? You’d better believe it. But I’ll complain about it anyway.

Q: But wait, Kai, what the hell does nice weather have anything to do with waiting?

A: Why do you think people get fat in the winter? Why don’t you see as many people walking around outside when it’s really cold out? Why don’t people go to the mountains when the weather is forecast cloudy, miserable and unpleasant? Simple: They all stay inside.

To avoid going outside, people must stay INSIDE. Thus when they are inside, they are NOT OUTSIDE. What this means is that when it’s nice, people DO go outside. When people leave their houses (or their rented houses/apartments/igloos) the OUTSIDE is BUSIER. And busier is bad for business…unless you’re talking about a non-figurative business in which case more business generally means more bottom line profits. Okay, that was a stupid thing to write, but I hate having to wait in line.

The biggest problem for me is that no matter how far ahead you plan there will always be someone else further ahead than you. Even if you get to the ski hill nice and early, there’s no guarantee you will be the first on the lift. If you get to the store, there’s no guarantee you will have the best parking stall. And in real life, just because you’ve been at a company the longest, doesn’t mean you’ll have the highest (or highest paying) position…though they all help. HOWEVER, if you get to the ski hill late, you will NOT be the first on the hill. If you get to the store an hour before closing you will NOT have a full selection of inventory to choose from. And if you arrive early at work and work diligently at your job…you may still be overlooked. Operations Managers all over the world are constantly figuring out ways to “alleviate the bottleneck”. Hey, Operations Managers - Bottleneck this! Get rid of people who get in my way of doing things efficiently.

There are some things, obvioulsy, that you can control in the little realm we'll call "waiting around" and, equally, some you cannot. And of course, as I do for most things that trouble me, I blame THIS epidemic on stupid people.

CAN CONTROL:
You can control what time you wake up in the morning.
You can control when you drive like a stupid moron.
You can control if you are lazy and just take the stairs two flights instead.
You can control how much time you do doing unproductive activities.
You can control how you react to stupid people.

CANNOT CONTROL:
You cannot control that sometimes the gondola will break down.
You cannot control that sometimes there will be an accident on the way to work.
You cannot control when the elevator will break down.
You cannot control the weather.
You cannot control stupid people around you.

The concept of hurry up and wait was initially formally introduced to me in a customs line up to reenter England at London Gatwick airport approximately one year ago as I was flying back Carnavale in Venice with some friends. This was also the same weekend that a group of girls said “We don’t have an accent!” – but they were stupid…and in front of me in line – but that’s neither here nor there. Bottom line is: if the cold weather could just continue long enough for me to finish all my chores, shopping and make it so that people are unmotivated enough to NOT make me wait in line, I would be able to make more time to write my blog…which would be great. So HURRY and STOP BEING SO STUPID SOMETIMES! Or take your time – you’ll probably have to wait anyway.